Hope
by Evangeline1


Hope

"Hope"

by Angel Sakura

All standard disclaimers apply. They are about sixteen here.

On my side, I faced the only boy I've come to trust with my life. This is not the first time we've done this, lie in the dark without any words. No words needed to be spoken. All I wished for was to spend the precious time that we had left together silently.

His honey colored eyes gazed at me through the darkness. He would be leaving for China soon, back to Hong Kong. Back to his family and his clan. Away from me.

Sometimes I wish I had told him how I feel while we had time, but I sense that he knows. He knows that he is my life and how much I love him.

It is better that we do not speak. Our time need not be wasted with worthless words, with tears for what never would be. That would be left for later.

He reached out in the dark to me, the back of his hand brushing my cheek in a tender caress. I could feel myself tremble under his touch. He was so gentle that it was heart breaking. He ran a finger over my lips delicately before pulling me into his arms.

I laid my head on his chest, my fingers playing along the hem of his shirt. I could feel his fingers thread through my bangs, kneading my back. I laid my cheek against him, hoping that he couldn't see my face, hoping that the sheet of darkness hid it from him.

He cradled me within the hold of his arms, like I was a porcelain doll, about to break at any second. He was acting like a lost little boy who was afraid of losing something special.

I held onto him tightly, holding onto my life. I clutched a handful of his shirt in my grip and nudged my forehead into his chest, desperate for touch.

His hand slowly traveled down to loosen my hand from his shirt, and intertwined his fingers with mine, letting his thumb gently rub the back of my hand. He didn't know it, but this little movement gave me a great sense of calm, of serenity.

He slid me up higher so that I was lying on top of him, and I tucked my head into his neck. I closed my eyes, feeling my eyelashes brush against him, and inhaled his scent deeply. Autumn filled my senses. I was dizzy with his aroma.

I slipped a leg in between his and wound an ankle around one of his. Our hands rested intertwined on the pillow next to our heads, and my other hand played along his face. My fingers traced his jaw, and threaded my fingers through his hair and back again. He was so handsome. His free hand slipped beneath my shirt, kneading my lower back.

I let my mind drift back to our predicament. I bit my lip and squeezed my eyes shut tightly. I refused to cry. Not in front of him. I had to be strong, for both of us.

Tears welled up unwillingly in the corner of my eyes and I pressed further into his embrace. I turned my face into the underside of his chin, feeling the salty dampness of my tears on my cheek.

He moved a hand towards my face, and I shied away, suddenly afraid of his touch. Supporting my upper back, he carefully rolled over and moved me onto my back.

Holding himself up with his lower arms, he gazed down on me. The moonlight cast rays across my face, revealing my tears. He lowered himself a little and gently kissed away each tear.

I closed my eyes, reveling in his soft touch. I burned into my memory everything around us. I wanted to forever sear into my memory the moment. I wanted to hold onto him and never let go. Suddenly it dawned on me. This was wrong.

I jolted away from him to the foot of the bed. Tucking my head into my knees, silent sobs shook my body. I had no right to be close to him when he was going to break my heart so soon.

He called my name into the dark, and I could feel him behind me, feel his aura reaching out to mix with mine. He wrapped his arms around me in the dark, and cradled me to his chest. I spun around and threw my arms around his broad shoulders, sobbing into his chest.

Life was so unfair sometimes. I could tell that he loved me; I could feel him reaching out to me, the ache that was mutual between us.

And we both still knew that it was wrong.

He has never kissed me, and maybe it is for the best. You can't miss what you've never had, I always tell myself. But sometimes I almost wish he would. Like now.

He would be leaving in two days. Two days until I would lose my reason to live. Why was fate being so cruel?

I continued to silently cry, each tear shed for everything that we would never be.

He slowly lowered me to my back, and whispered to me. He wanted me to sleep, said it was too late and that I should rest. He wanted to go sleep on the sofa, to let me rest, as he said.

My eyes plead with him to stay. To let me be with him. He reluctantly laid beside me, and kissed my forehead.

I rolled over onto him and my hands gripped his shirt. My face hovered nearer to his, and I could feel my nose brush his. His eyes looked ... sad almost. Desperate for me to leave him be. To let him live out his pain in silence. Begging me not to pour salt into the wound.

If destiny would not grant him for me, at least I deserved something. Something, at the very least.

I brushed my lips against his gently and it was like something within him snapped. Gripping my shoulders, he flipped me onto my back and towered above me. He had pulled away though, and I could feel his moist breath on my cheek.

I turned my shaky gaze towards him, immediately sorry for what I had done. I opened my mouth to apologize, but before anything came out, he seized my lips with his.

It wasn't what I thought it would be like, rough and desperate and lustful. He kissed me sweetly and longingly. We didn't take it too far, afraid of the consequences, but it was far more than I could have ever asked for, could have ever dreamt up.

He pulled away reluctantly, and nuzzled my neck, placing a soft kiss to the underside of my jaw.

Still, we remained silent. We were too afraid for what would have passed if any words fell from our lips.

Wrapping my arms around his neck, I closed my eyes and waited for sleep to overcome me, wanting to succumb to the darkness.

My mind repeatedly played over the night's events, a slight smile plastered on my lips.

For the first time in months, since I learned that he was going home, I felt a glimmer of a feeling that had been becoming more and more of a stranger to me. It was faint and dull, most likely unreasonable. Still, it was there.

Hope.


End file.
